Tragic

Toki x Mikkie AU 1shot

By: Toki-sama

It was spring in Edo, young Ryo, the Shinto priest’s only son stepped out from the wooden step leading from his home as he slipped his foot into the black satin slipper before pausing to do the same with his other foot. He left up the robes of his gi as he did so, the hem brushing over the steps as he finally finished and set down the hem as he continued on his way across the courtyard. It was a beautiful day he noted, the sky clear and blue, birds flying over head and not a single cloud in the sky. He began to walk through the gardens, stopping only to look down over the small gray stone bridge at his reflection. He adjusted the knots around his head, his long black hair usually pulled up and kept in place by knots and twists, pinned by non-decorative gold clasps. When he was old enough, his hair would be decorated with lilac for the proper ceremony before he was to pick his future bride. After that, he would be allowed to cut it. Only one more year he thought to himself as he kept going. He joined his father at the gates of their family home and also Shinto shrine. Many of the towns people often came for blessings or prayers, some just praying to fend off the impending war that was reaching the ever growing area. The Araya family had been in charge of the Shinto shrine for as long as anyone knew, Ryo was next in line to inherit it so he was being groomed and practiced in the way of the family’s tradition.

Once he joined his father, he tucked his small, slender hands into the sleeves of his robes, taking a small breath before greeting the older man.

"Ohayo otousan."
"Ohayo. How does the day find you?"
"Well."

It was silent again as Ryo then said,

"Who is coming to the temple today?"

His father had told him that an important figure would be arriving today for a brief stay and an offering since this important figure was very much against the war that threatened everything.

"Tch, Ryo don’t ask so many questions. You’ll see soon enough."

The young man said nothing else and waited. Soon enough a palanquin held by two men was huffing up in front of the large and high stone steps of the Araya Shinto shrine. The two men carrying the palanquin stopped, slowly setting the wooden handles, letting the box settle to the dirt road as they began catching their breaths. The one in the back began walking up to the side, leaning down to say something to the person inside as he then stepped back and the reed like flap was lifted up, bunching in the pale hand that held it up as the person stepped out. Ryo recognized him almost right away. He was one of the Arashashimia hatamoto who walked through Edo. On few occasions, Ryo saw him, but it had always been at glances and for seconds at a time. He was a tall man, what most would call Western height. It was rumored that the Arashashimia family had Mongol blood, which counted for their height since most of the men there towered close to six feet. He had been dressed in a Westernized army uniform though still protected and worked for the emperor and bakufu. It was a dark blue uniform though still managed to look elegant and regal. He didn’t wear a soldier’s cap over his short black hair, which probably meant that he was an officer, possibly higher. His black polished shoes caught the sun as he began walking up the stone steps, pausing only to tell the palanquin carriers to remain where they were.

The Araya priest stepped to the edge of the steps as the Arashashimia hatamoto finally reached the top. They bowed to each other as Ryo stepped back, looking at the much taller man. Once their eyes met, Ryo closed them and then bowed as well. The taller man returned the gesture as the priest then said,

"Arashashimia-dono, I’m grateful you would grace us with your presence."

The taller man looked at the priest as he said,

"I’m honored you would have me."
"This is my son, Ryo. He will show you around the temple and then lead you to make your offering."

The two young men stared at each other for a moment before the hatamoto then said,

"Hai, arigato."

He began to walk ahead as Ryo followed him quickly, holding up the hem of his gi again as he struggled to keep pace with the much taller man. After seeing that he couldn’t he sighed as he said,

"Arashashimia-dono!"

The taller man stopped his pace as he turned to see Ryo a few paces behind him.

"Hm?"
"I beg of you, your pace…I cannot keep up."

"Oh I apologize."

Ryo caught up to him as he then bowed his head and gratitude as he then began showing him around the temple. They walked slowly, Ryo doing most of the talking as he pointed out beautiful gardens, carp ponds, sakura blossom trees that would soon blossom and the history of the temple itself.

"It dates as far back as the 12^th century, before the-"

"Tell me something Ryo-san."
"Yes?"
"Is this the tour you take everyone on?"
Ryo looked down. It was the usual routine, the point and talk speech he gave anytime someone important arrived at the shrine. His father had walked him through everything so much so Ryo could now do it in his sleep. He cleared his throat as he said,

"Is it obvious?"
"A little. You seem bored."
"I apologize."
"Don’t. Just take me somewhere that isn’t on the tour."

Ryo smiled a little as he agreed.

They spoke for hours, their conversations going from Edo itself to the oncoming war.

"I heard you were against the war Arashashimia-dono."

"Toki."
"Excuse me?"

"Address me by my first name not by my surname."

"Ah…Toki-san all right."

"Yes, I am against the war. I don’t think Edo or its government should be dragged into this."

"I understand."
"And you? Where do you stand?"

"I fear for the war and the souls that died already. It’s a cause, I understand and Edo needs to be protected. There’s only so much the Hakone seki can do."

Toki nodded as he took a drink of his tea. He then gave a small laugh as he said,

"Forgive me, but I was surprised when your father said you were his son."

Ryo looked offended for a moment before he tilted his head to the side slightly and said,

"Ah…well it’s my hair. Family tradition requires it to be long…at least for another year. Then I am free to do with is as I wish."

"You’ll cut it?"
"The moment I have the chance to."
"Such a shame…"

Ryo glanced at the hatamoto who was looking at him still, a small smile on his face still. Ryo felt his cheeks getting warm before he turned away and brought his teacup to his mouth. He was thankful for the cover of night.

The hatamoto began traveling to the Araya shrine whenever time permitted. He used the pretense of prayer when in all, he wanted to see Ryo. The young soon-to-be Shinto priest was not sure what to make of the situation anymore then Toki. He was nervous of what the amounting attention could mean but nonetheless, every morning he dressed and brushed his hair up as quickly as possible to rush to the gates to meet him. Their conversations kept them talking for hours and the Shinto priest, Ryo’s father was more then grateful for the Arashashimia hatamoto to travel so much to see their shrine. He too noted it took much of Ryo’s time, but he thought nothing of it. A late afternoon was settling in as Ryo stepped over a few flat steps, the hem of his gi once again left up as his black slippers set gracefully down over the stones. Toki followed him, the young officer taking each step Ryo did to not fall. He had been warned in advance that the stones could be slippery. After walking down the slightly elevated stone path, they had reached the back of the temple where a massive forest stood. A path that lead inside the forest was in plain view, made of dirt and pebbles. Ryo didn’t pay attention to it as he continued his walk to what he considered to be his own private area. It was section of nestled sakura blossom trees, their branches sheltering a large, hill like rock. In front of the rock stood smaller stones that served as steps. Toki admired the scene for a moment as he saw Ryo making his way up, his small slender hands grasping at the smoothness of the enormous rock. Once he was on, Toki followed, the trip up being much easier for him due to height and his clothing. He sighed, the grip of his shoes keeping him from sliding off as he said,

"It’s beautiful."
"Yes…peaceful too. My home is usually so busy, so cluttered, over-run by family or priests or towns people. I rarely get a moment to myself."
"So this is your sanctuary, where you go to get away from it all."
"Hai."
"But now I know of it. So you can’t get away from me."

Ryo looked up at him from his slouching position as he sat up a little straighter, keeping his arms circled around his bent legs.

"I don’t want to."

The tree rustled slightly, the petals of the now bloomed sakura trees fell in showers over the two as Toki slowly leaned forward, his hand coming up and clasping the bottom of Ryo’s chin as they met for a kiss. Their eyes closed the solitude of the area being their only company. Ryo followed, not entirely sure of what he was doing or what was happening. All he was sure of was that he had never felt more excited in his life. When the kiss was over, they looked at each other again as Toki asked,

"Are you sorry it happened?"

Ryo’s dark eyes peered at him, almost child like in their look as he said,

"Iie. I’m…I’m glad it did."

The sun began melting into the horizon sending up rays of light as its last gaping breath while Toki embraced the young soon-to-be priest and kissed him again.

Their relationship was kept a secret from everyone. Ryo’s father would most certainly not be pleased to know a hatamoto had seduced his son and though Toki came from a well established family and was educated, it would not change that Ryo was due to be married in another year. At the time though, the two could not care. Anytime they could be alone was embraced with both arms, their kisses often done by the depths of night, their more platonic relationship always out on display. On the surface they seemed to be nothing more then friends, but beneath that burned and bubbled a growing passion. Ryo was sure he was falling in love but couldn’t begin to even grasp that idea. It was so vast and deep that starting to think of it ran his head in circles and knots so much so, he often ended up right where he started. In the solitude of what had become their sanctuary, Ryo confessed his growing feelings. Toki returned them. He then asked if he would meet him at the gates of the shrine that night.
"Tonight? Why?"

"I’d like to take you somewhere."

The thought barely brushed over Ryo’s mind as he said,

"Yes. I’ll meet you."

That same night, long after Toki had made his exit gracefully, bowing to the Shinto priest and thanking them, the candles in the home burning to a stub, Ryo quickly redressed himself. As he pinned his hair up, he picked up his slippers and slowly slid the rice paper door to the side as he snuck out from his room. He began leaving, ducking and hiding anytime he sensed movement or was close to being seen himself by the other priests. As he got outside, he pulled on his cloak, adjusting the hood over his head as he slipped his shoes on and quickly rushed to the gates. He only waited a few moments, always looking over his shoulder as he then looked down and saw Toki waiting. The hatamoto was holding a horse by the reigns as he gestured Ryo to come down. The young man did, gathering his robes as he carefully and quickly made his way down the stone steps. Once he was close to his lover, he let the robes fall as he was embraced and held by his taller lover. They shared a chaste kiss before they mounted the horse and made their way into the busy center of the town. Close to the edge of the town, the hatamoto stopped the horse at an inn and dismounted as he then helped Ryo down. The two entered the inn, the hostess bowing her head and offering them a room. She mistook Ryo for a woman, giving him a soft smile and offering them something to eat. They both declined and headed to their room. After closing the door behind them, Ryo removed the hood from his head as he looked at the futon at the side of the room. The entire room was almost bare except a small kneeling table, a smaller table near the futon with an oil lantern sitting on top of it casting out light, a chair and the futon itself. Before he could say anything, Toki set his hands on Ryo’s shoulders and said,

"If it’s too much we can leave."

Ryo turned to face him as he said,

"No, it’s fine."

He opened his arms to the taller man, embracing him closely as he closed his eyes.

The shared their first night together, exchanging soft kisses and embraces, sweet sentiments as they lay entwined on the futon. Toki wrapped his fingers among Ryo’s long silken mass of hair, seeing it down for the first time. He picked up a lock, pressing it to his mouth as he kissed it then kissed Ryo as the younger man put his arms around his lover. He found the hatamoto was lean, strong yet still soft to his touch. He could feel a few bumps and marks from old scars of previous fights and training along his shoulders and his arms. His hands were coarse, rough, thick with calluses from handling a sword. But it was hardly felt as his hands brushed over Ryo’s soft face. He turned to meet his lover’s palm, kissing it as they exchanged another kiss, their legs shifting to accommodate each other’s bodies. It was unlike anything Ryo had ever known and he was more wracked with curiosity and pleasure then actual pain. Though he was young, he could now understand what it meant to be in love. He could look into his lover’s eyes and know deep within himself that at any given word, he would follow him anywhere he wanted. For Toki he would give up everything and he knew Toki would do the same for him. He knew somewhere inside of him, he could not live another day if he could not be with his hatamoto anymore. Toki smoothed his hands over Ryo’s eyes as he said,

"Am I hurting you?"
"No…"

"Why are you crying then?"

Ryo brought his own hand up to his eye as he dabbled it and felt tears. Had he been crying? Why? He wasn’t sure.

"Oh…I don’t know. But you’re not hurting me."
"Are you sure?"

Ryo nodded, bringing Toki down over him more as he kissed him. He kissed his mouth, his cheek, his chin, his jaw as he said,

"Yes…please…don’t stop."

Toki continued.

The next morning, Ryo turned slightly, his hair falling over his face as he opened his eyes and saw the now brightly-lit room. He momentarily forgot where he was until he saw Toki standing by the small window on the far side of the room, wearing a white robe covered in thin black stripes.

"Toki?"

The hatamoto turned to face his lover as he smiled and joined him again, taking him into his arms again as they kissed. When they broke away, Toki smoothed his hand over Ryo’s hair as he said,

"You look so beautiful."

The younger man looked down slightly as he said,

"Thank you."

They held each other for a moment longer as Toki then said,

"I should get you home."

"Yes…though I wish I didn’t have to."

"It’s more weight on me to have to return you. If it were up to me, you’d never leave my arms again."

Ryo smiled, turning his head more towards his taller lover’s neck as he said,

"I love you."
"I love you."

Silence again, then the distant sound of Edo waking up was heard as Toki then sighed heavily and slowly moved away as he said,

"I’ll get your clothes."

After the two dressed, they joined the hostess for breakfast before they began their journey back to the shrine. About half a mile before the temple, Ryo said,

"Stop…let me off here."
"Why here?"
"My father will wonder why you were taking me home."

"Ah."

The hatamoto dismounted first as he then helped his lover down. They shared a quick kiss before Toki once again mounted his horse and turned to return to his place as Ryo went to his.

As the year began to continue on, the two continued their relationship. They were always careful, always cautious and never lead on to anything further then what it seemed. But as their love grew, outside of their happiness lay the oncoming war. The enemy was approaching Tokaido and fearing it would get any further then that and possibly come to the emperor, the bakufu began sending the armies out. The war had come too close. Every bashu shogun and daimyo were soon out guarding the seki, watching more closely who was traveling in and out. Some where sent to stop the enemy before it got any closer. The hatamoto, brave and skilled in both Japanese and more recently Western ways of war, left their duties to others and went straight to the war. Ryo, upon hearing that the hatamoto were being sent to lead over the armies of Edo feared for his lover. The day before Toki was due to leave, he came to see Ryo. In their sanctuary, the young soon to be priest begged him not to go.

"I have to…it is my duty."
"What about me? I love you…if something were to happen to you-"
"Nothing will. I am only sent to command the armies, not to fight the war myself. I’ll be fortunate not to see any action at all."

"You’re certain?"
"Yes, we are the damiyo’s feudal lords most trusted. We would not be subjected to the brutality of the war."

Ryo nodded, wanting so badly to believe it. As they moved away, Toki reached up to his neck as he untucked a thin string and slowly pulled out what was a necklace. On the end was a small soft green silk bag that could be drawn open with a small pull. After pulling the entire necklace over his head, he took Ryo’s small hand, palm upwards and placed the small bag in his hand.

"I kept this…the day we first met. I got it from your temple."
Ryo looked at it as he said,
"I recognize it."

"I filled it with a few petals of one of these sakura trees. I keep it with me all the time…since it reminds me of you. But I’ll give it to you now so I can come back and collect it when my service is over. This is my promise to you Ryo. I will come back."

Ryo nodded as he closed his hand, putting it close to his heart for a moment before putting the necklace over his own head and letting the small bag fall. He tucked it into the folds of his gi as he then leaned up, allowing his lover to kiss him.

The cold winter began approaching. Harsh winds and light snowfall started though usually it would melt by the next morning. Ryo had waited each day that passed for news on his lover’s well being. Since the Araya and the Arashashimia family had come to be close friends that year, any news that one family received would be passed onto the other. So this was a mixed blessing. It was driving Ryo mad that he did not know what was happening to Toki, but at the same time, he was grateful no news was coming…it meant nothing was wrong. It began to snow one day and unlike previous snowfalls, this began to stick. Small mounds of snow began appearing so Ryo’s father sent him out to sweep the steps of the temple. Half way down the stairs, wearing his usual gi and warmer, thicker coat, Ryo looked up from holding the bamboo handle broom as he saw a man on a horse. For a moment he thought it was Toki but saw much to his disappointment it was not. He continued sweeping as the man dismounted and began rushing up the stairs, pausing as he saw Ryo. He bowed his head as he said,

"Gomen, are you one of the Arayas?"

Ryo nodded as the man gave him a letter and then bowed his head as he said,

"Gomen nasi."

He then left as Ryo looked at the letter for a moment, turning it over slightly to see the crest of the Arashashimia family. The bamboo handle broom fell with a clatter on the stone step as Ryo broke the seal and prayed he was wrong…prayed they were sending word that Toki had returned, injured but alive and well and wished for the Arayas to come and see him. Ryo removed the letter from the envelope as he read it. Only reading the first few lines, he knew what the rest said. He raced up the stairs, running past the garden as he entered his home again, barely removing his slippers as his eyes clouded over. He dared not to blink as his eyes gathered tears.

It couldn’t be. Toki promised. He promised him! He said he would come back! Why did he lie to him? Had he displeased him somehow? Why would he break his promise?

Ryo tore through his room, looking for one thing. Once he found it, he left again, pushing past anyone who was in his way. He reached the exit again, no longer bothering with his slippers as he jumped down from the few steps, his feet already ankle high in cold snow. He began to run again.

He reached the back of the shrine, jumping past the elevated stepping stones as he ignored his usual sanctuary and stopped to catch his breath. He closed his eyes, tears falling from them, racing down his slightly pink face as he sobbed to himself, his breath coming out in clouds as he crumbled the letter in his hand, throwing it down and began walking down the once dirt covered path into the forest.

The pain…the pain was more unbearable then he ever imagined. It was as if someone had reached down into the very depths of him and torn his soul out savagely, giving him no hope of survival. As he neared the end of the path, he collapsed into a mound of snow, his lungs hurting from the cold, his feet numb, his hands now red. Tears stained his face as he sobbed, his chest hurting more from taking in the cold air. He looked up to the heavens, watching the snow fall as gentle flake after gentle flake landed on his cheeks, melting into the rivers that were now traced down his child like face. He felt as if he couldn’t breath that he would never able to again and all his worst fears had been realized. The pain was so overwhelming…so harsh and brutal. He could have never imagined such sorrow in all his life even if he lived to be a hundred. In his other hand, he clasped a black sheath, a binding of gold was around it, held together by a piece of circled jade. Ryo grasped the end of the sheath as he then pulled it apart, a short blade removed. He reached up to his hair, undoing the gold clasps and allowing the pins to fall into the snow as his waist length black hair covered him. It was a small shelter of warmth. He reached up to his neck, his red and numb fingers feeling for the string that held the small bag that was against his chest. Once he found it, he pulled it out from the folds of his robes and then yanked it off his neck with a subtle snap. Holding both the small bag and the short blade, he turned the blade to himself, pressing the tip against his stomach. One hand near the hilt of the blade, the other holding the small bag full of crushed sakura petals, also holding the top of the short blade. Tears stopped flowing as Ryo felt a calming feeling over him at the moment. The numbing in his hands and feet had stopped his chest no longer hurt…he felt at peace for a moment. His eyes then closed once more before opening to the lifeless orbs that stared ahead at nothing. With his mouth closed and his eyes already dead, he jabbed the blade forward, feeling the metal penetrate through his robes and eventually his stomach. Crimson stained the powdered snow, running over in streaks of bloody rivers. He gave only a soft gasp before slumping forward, his hair falling around his face, the ends staining in the gathering pools of blood and snow.

His eyes remained opened, staring out at nothing, dead, lifeless and as cold as the snow that slowly began covering motionless body. Ever so slowly, his fingers began relaxing from around the hilt until eventually one of his hands dropped off. In his palm was the small bag that had been opened when yanked from the young would be priest’s neck. The small bag fell to its side as the now dead and crushed petals slowly began tumbling out and eventually blown away.

• The End

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Author’s note: Please note that this would be taking place during the early-mid 1800’s when Japan’s capital was NOT Tokyo but Kyoto and was called Edo. Westernization was during the mid 1800’s, an emperor was still in command but it is why some generals wore the Western military uniform. I’m not entirely sure that hatamotos would even fight in a war though I’m sure they would be involved in some way shape or form. Also some Shinto rituals are not all too clear to me so they may be crossed with Buddhist rituals.

Definitions –

Edo – The original name for Tokyo from the early 16^th century until the mid 1800’s when it was renamed.

Gi – Kimonos men wear

Palanquin – A large box like transport used almost like a taxi. It would have covers on both sides and be large enough for only one person. Usually a team of two would carry someone as far as they paid them to go

Dono – A very polite honorific, indicating much respect

Bakufu – The central government established in Edo

Daimyo – "Lords of provincial fiefs known as han" – Taken from Blade of the Immortal

Hatamoto – The inner circle of the daimyo or feudal lords.

Seki – checkpoints

Hakone – A seki in Edo going south. It was the most inspected, well checked seki in feudal Japan.

Tokaido, Nakasen – The main byways through Japan. Tokaido ran along the coast from Kyoto to Edo while Nakasen ran through the mountain ways.